Take 2?

I guess I turned out to be not much of a blogger. Not really surprised. But part of me was thinking about it recently. I really love reading other people's blogs, and I think part of is because people who blog are in general not afraid to bear their soul. That could be why I haven't written. I know that at times (okay, most of the time), I become so self-absorbed that I worry constantly about how people are going to react to what I say, do, think, etc. Am I afraid to let people know that I love God? This thought has been a constant in my life. The answer varies with the season. Right now, no. I spent a long portion of the year (since coming back from Africa) on a letdown from the most amazing spiritual high of my life. I told myself I was going to take a little break from being so intense about study, then get back into the swing of things. I never got back into the swing of things. Life happened, and excuse after excuse came about why I wasn't reading the Word.
Luckily, God is not one to give up on people. And thankfully, I am one of those He's chosen to not give up on. He waited patiently for me to figure out there is no excuse to not spend time with someone I love. I would never tell Blair, or my family, sorry I'm too busy to put life on hold a bit for you, but that's exactly what I did to God, who I'm supposed to love more than even life itself. So I finally got the message thanks to my wonderful friend Erika, who let me hash out all of this for about 4 hours while I was back in MI. There are no excuses, and every one I tried to give was really lame. So I started. I figured out the I can look at getting into the Word just I like approach running. God isn't going to expect me to start off on a marathon. I start by training for one. 1Cor9:25-27 says " Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." I can look at training for being like Christ, like training for a race, start small, build up your endurance, then work to not just finish, but finish well. Runners know that to race instead of run, you don't just look to complete the race by building up distance. You do short runs, speed work, and rest. It all trains your body to work. To fully enjoy God and what he wants to do with my life, I need to be prepared for it. I need to be prepared to do long runs, short runs, and rest in His glory.
I've also been thinking of our mortality a lot lately. Our pastor Matt, had a seizure on Thanksgiving, then was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor. He's been given 3 years, and he's only 35. His illness hit me like a ton of bricks, but what more, is the vivacity he's continuing to live life with, and the glory he's giving to God throughout all of this. I keep thinking, if something like this happened to me, or if someone I loved got sick or died, is this how I would react? Would I go out glorifying God? I like to say that I would, that I would go out with people saying, "There's a woman who loved God". I think that's the glory I really want. Not to be the best at everything (although that's another topic I could write about), but to be the best that I could be with what God wants for my life. To show my love for him outwardly, and to let everyone I know how much I love God, and what He's done for us all. Now to do this in a smart manner, and to not scare people away from God, but point them to Him, is something I'm going to need some training on, and is why I am not like Christ yet. I can only hope that I keep going that way, even though I know what I'm asking for is suffering, and trials to help me persevere and remain strong.
I think that's all for now. I could probably go on for a long time, but then it'd be less organized and more rambly. God's really working on my heart right now. He needs to, and I'm finally up for letting him. Thanks for sticking through this to the end. If no one reads, I guess that's okay too, since I've finally gotten out what I've needed to say for a while.